Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
