Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my vag is so smooth its legendary
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
