Im at strip club and am horny
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
