Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
