you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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