Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
