what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
