ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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