I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
