My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
did you just send me my own nude
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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