Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
