Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
