I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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