he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
