I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish I only lived at night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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