The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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