Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
