some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
