I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
