omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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