The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
