I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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