I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
