I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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