Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.