A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.