I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
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we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
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I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.