My hand turned me down
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye