Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.