My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.