No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
