I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
