Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
