Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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