i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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