I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
