you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
