Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
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We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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