i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
