After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just high enough for therapy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
