At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
