it was like his penis was on wheels.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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