Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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