just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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