I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
