I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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