I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
