Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
