I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
