So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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