Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
