I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
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Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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