I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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