I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
