why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
