It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
