i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dick very happy bro
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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