please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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