last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
