I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
