Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
