It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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