he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
