you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
