So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
