Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
