I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
