I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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