dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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