So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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