grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
