Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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